


Don't Read This Fic Please

by SnootBooper



Category: One Piece
Genre: Crack, F/M, I'm so sorry that this exists, please do not read this, this is a really dumb idea, this is the height of my writing career
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 08:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20468048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnootBooper/pseuds/SnootBooper
Summary: I wrote this as a joke in like 2016 because of a single typo I made in a discussion about a certain movie. Please don't read this.





	Don't Read This Fic Please

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PurseLamp](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=PurseLamp).

> OC is gender fluid and has a love of lemon squares and carbs, and that's all of the context you really need to be honest.

Law tapped his foot against the pavement impatiently, arms crossed, and lips pulled into his usual frown. He had been standing in front of the bakery for what seemed like forever, waiting for the person who had begged him to go out and purchase some lemon squares with them (after he unceremoniously smacked one out of their hand and they began to cry hysterically). He was expecting this, as the brunette had as much sense of direction as a certain green-haired swordsman. However, he had made sure to give them clear directions and a detailed map to ensure that they got there on time.

Perhaps he should leave. He has been waiting for about three hours now, and that airhead of a date-friend probably forgot all about it. As he was about to walk away from their meeting spot, a voice called his name. He didn’t have to turn around to know who that whiny voice belonged to.

Small arms wrapped around his middle as a face buried into his back. “I’m sorry I’m late,” their muffled voice spoke.

“I didn’t expect you to be this late, Terrin.” He pried their arms from his waist and turned around, only to see their face on the brink of tears. He sighed, used to the sensitivity of his partner. “Don’t cry.”

“I-I’m not crying!” They hastily wiped their eyes with their sweater sleeve before sniffling, “I have some bad news.”

Law rolled his eyes at their statement. Usually when they said they had bad news, it was often about something trivial (like the lemon squares), but instead of brushing it off, he asked monotonously, “What is it?”

He just knew it was going to be about the fucking-

“_ I’m breaking up with you _.”

_ Lemon. Squares. _

Law’s eyes widened momentarily before his frown deepened. That was bad news, indeed. His gold orbs glanced down at the now-sobbing teen. “Why?”

“I don’t think it’ll work out. I love bread, but you _ hate _ it. It wasn’t meant to be.”

His eye twitched at his lover’s antics. “Are you seriously breaking up with me over _ bread _?”

“Besides,” they continued, ignoring his question, “I found someone who would appreciate my love for carbs.”

Before the raven-haired man could ask who (and murder the fool who would _ dare _ take Terrin away from him), the ground trembled. Large, thick legs moved into his line of sight, and soon enough, a giant gingerbread man stood in front of the two. The monstrous confectionery knelt down and placed its gingery hand out, allowing the crying teen to step onto it.

Terrin sobbed, “His name is Mongo, and he gets my love of bread and sweets more than you ever will, you _ lemon bar murderer _.”

At that moment, Law was seething with anger, glowering at the newly proclaimed couple. He shouted, “_ THIS BETTER BE A FUCKING JOKE, TERRIN _.”

The towering cookie stood up and placed the pirate’s ex on his shoulder. “GOODBYE FOREVER, LAW!” Terrin cried as the enormous dessert ran away, each step causing the ground to shake violently.

Law tried to run after the two, but a low chuckle made him freeze.

“Fufufu. Looks like it’s just you and me, Law.”

The pirate doctor turned around to face the last person on earth he wanted to see:

_ The feathery fuck himself, Donquixote Doflamingo _.

He scowled, ready to attack the blond warlord, but the pain that suddenly erupted in his leg caused him to fall. With a cry, Law grasped his now-bleeding limb, Doflamingo slowly stalking closer to him. “You like it? They’re sea prism bullets, so there’s no stopping me now.”

“You bastard!”

The man with the feathery coat chuckled, crouching down to get a good look at the black-haired man’s pitiful state. Douche-flamingo grinned like the shit he is, “You want to know something? After you killed my Vergo, I had to take revenge on you. I thought about killing your crew, but when I heard about Terrin, I knew what I had to do.”

“You created Mongo?”

The blond’s grin widened, “Why, yes. I created the one thing that they love more than you, and with them out of the way, I can finally make you my bride.”

The warlord’s face inched closer to the younger male as Law yells in horror…

Law jolted awake, eyes wide from the disturbing dream he had the _ pleasure _ of witnessing. He was on the Strawhat Pirates’ ship, the Thousand Sunny, and by the looks of it, he had passed out on the deck. Terin, who had been sitting beside him and coloring something while he slept, turned their head to look at him, face expressing their utmost concern. “Are you okay, Law? You were practically screaming my name in your sleep.”

He stared at them for a moment before pulling them onto his lap, hugging the brunette close to his chest. “_ Don’t you dare leave me for some giant gingerbread man, _” he whispered, body trembling.

“W-what?”

“Promise me!”

Looking into their boyfriend’s golden eyes, Terrin smiled, “I promise I won’t leave you for a giant gingerbread man.”

He chuckled before pecking their lips.

“Good.”

Extended/Optional Ending:

“TERRIN-CHWAN~! YOUR SNACK IS READY~!”

In his infamous hurricane of love, Sanji maneuvered his way from the kitchen to the couple sitting on the deck, a fresh batch of cookies innocently laying on the silver tray in his hands.

But not just any cookies.

_ Fucking. Gingerbread. Cookies. _

Wordlessly, Law slapped the tray out of the cook’s hands, causing all of the hellspawns to go overboard, where they will hopefully drown and suffer horribly in the sea.

“WHAT THE HELL, YOU SHITTY MUSHROOM? WHY WOULD YOU THROW TERRIN-CHWAN’S SNACK INTO THE OCEAN?”

Sanji then attempted to kill Law, ranting about making the (sometimes) lady distressed and wasting perfectly good food.


End file.
